Jammer and Justice

Jammer and Justice

Once upon a time there was an annoying jammer W6JERK. The first thing the club did was to raise the subject as a formal matter of discussion.

It was decided to form a committee. Immediately LEOnard, Rodney and Reb volunteered. LEOnard Schwartz (He's not really jewish, he just wants to be.) was appointed committee chairman. The committee worked diligently. They made direction finding antennas. They took turns monitoring day and night using their special equipment and a lot of trigonometry. They took recordings and analyzed the transmission. Then the day finally came when they caught him red handed.

The committee decided to confront the jammer. The members each took a stiff drink and marched directly to the suspects door. They knocked. When the jammer answered the door they knew they had the right man.

His clothes were rumpled, his hair stood on end. He had a wild stare in his eyes. He was guilty. "Just look at him!" they shouted. Then, they all saw it at the same time. The tattoo on his left arm. It read "Born to Jam".

He lifted his head and stared right through them. Then with a roar he asked "Just what the hell do you want?". The affects of the alcohol were starting to wear off. They started to tremble, but LEOnard had taken two drinks (that's why he was committee chairman). He raised his finger and pointed at him straight between the eyes. "You've been jamming our repeater!" he said with a slight crack in his voice.

From this amazing display of leadership the others gained courage. Next another spoke up "Yeah and we have proof!" he said despite the fact that he had wet his pants. Finally Rodney joined in. "Yeah!" he said. Rodney was not normally this eloquent.

"You can't do nuthin to me." he snarled. Again LEOnard saw that this was a time for leadership. He took a deep breath and responded "We're going to turn you into the FCC. We have tapes, charts, diskettes, eye witnesses and affidavits". "I don't care. You guys are a bunch of pansies. I jamming your stupid repeater with nothing but a hand held with a 25 amp linear". Then he slammed the door in their faces and began to laugh.

LEOnard was furious. "Lets bust in there, drag him out back and give him the thrashing of his life."; but these men were law abiding citizens. "We must not give in to our rage. We must rise above the occasion and put our faith in the legal system."

So they sent their evidence to the FCC and waited patiently. Then it happened. The ATF law enforcement officers busted down the door, held everyone at gun point and searched the house, while shooting only three of their own men. "Under the power of the FCC we are confiscating all of your radio gear; and under the Zero Tolerance Law we hereby take possession of your property."

That was the first sign of trouble. It was Reb's house. He was a member of the anti-jammer committee. When he filled out the complaint, he was so excited that he accidentally put down his address instead of the jammers.

The club was shocked. They decided to organize a fund raiser to bail Red out of jail, but Reb was the fund raising chairman. Rodney volunteered to drive out to the local FCC branch office in San Frisco. While driving across the Copper Gate Bridge, he was run over by a garbage truck when the driver was distracted by a girl in a bikini being pulled on her roller skates by her poodle with a punk haircut.

LEOnard couldn't believe it, but like all great men he kept his cool under pressure. He recovered the evidence and made the trip to the FCC. He present the tapes, diskettes, charts and affidavits. He explained the mistake on how the form was filled out. He even turned on the hand held only to hear the jammer singing vulgar songs while trying to sell real estate on the air. The bureaucrat was unmoved. He explained there was a small chance his friend could be helped. He would have to fill out 1090-9-09B form and return it on the fifth Thursday of February. The form weighted 34 pounds.

LEOnard was upset but he took the form. He went down stairs just in time to see his truck being towed away. He yelled at the officer, he shook his fist in rage and then he really did it. He spat on the sidewalk. LEOnard was immediately arrested. The final member of the committee was gone.

The judge threw the book at him. This community will not tolerate your kind. LEOnard was sentenced to two years of solitary confinement city jail. During this time he received political re-education. It was necessary to released a rapist and a murder to make room for him. Half way through is sentence, it was discovered that there was a warrant for unpaid parking tickets in New Mexico. Because of an accident with a Hershey chocolate bar, he was deported and now makes a living selling modified 10 meter rigs in Baja California

As for the jammer. He won a brand new rig at the HRO drawing. It's a tri-bander. Now he can jam all three of the groups repeaters. Two weeks before he retired, he won the state lottery. He now lives in a fancy house in Moraga, but maintains a remote rig in El Sobrante specifically for jamming. Last week he was elected "Ham of the Year" by the Berkeley Repeater Club.